If you can read this post from a reasonable distance and chew gum without falling out of your chair, you just maybe, possibly, be capable of operating a motor vehicle.

Conversely, if peering at the screen is in any way obfuscated by glaucoma, cataracts, rheumatiz' medicine or if you're fidgeting in your chair from an overdose of Geritol that is threatening to overload an already-soggy pair of Depends, maybe there's a slim possibility that your driving privilege ought to be revoked and you should do all your shopping on TV.

I don't mean to sound overly bitter, it's just that far too many senior citizens have been trying to introduce me to my Creator during the past several weeks.

And I'm not a granny or grampy-hater, I just wanna live!

OK, so I have a car. Why is that an invitation for suffering and humiliation at the hand of my local grease monkey?

It broke down the other day- I mean why wouldn't it? It's mechanical and mechanical things are prone to wear and malfunction right? I accept it, it pisses me off when it happens but I'm at peace with the possibility. What cheeses me is having to deal with arrogant "experts" who immediately claim superiority over your mechanical abilities merely because you're a girl.

All the "Honey, you probably don't understand blah, blah, blah" and other condescending BS that I had to endure was well worth the satisfaction of stumping the knuckle-dragger's diagnostic skills with my ailing American-made SUV and later fixing it myself with calm logic and a little research on the web.

I even managed to stay relatively clean while making the repair.

For the love of all that is holy, why in the hell does everyone ask me what my resolutions for the new year are? How about this,

"I, Pissed Kitten, resolve to rip the shart out of what you refer to as your self esteem every time you ask me crap to which I have no intention of responding."

or more to the point,

"Shut it."

Happy New Year!

"Will 2007 end with a whimper or a bang?"

That is just the type of asinine question I've come to expect from Uncle Jim. I rarely know what the hell he's talking about- what with his non-speak peppered with metaphor, simile, and worn out cliche. Honestly, I don't know why some people feel the need to fill every moment of possible, sweet silence with bullshit jibber-jabber.

The thing is, year-end is a very busy time for me. Like a lot of other people out there in the real world, I have deadlines and they need to be met. That's what Da Man pays me for- meeting deadlines and that's what I do and it gets to be extremely stressful. So whimper or bang, it makes no difference to me. Just leave me to silent productivity so I can get some shit done.